You can become a carbon sink


ExxonMobil’s new, oil-based nutrition drink allows people to capture and store carbon, one sip at a time


By Plenty staff



When it comes to heart-healthy antioxidants, blueberries, pomegranates, dark chocolate, and wine are chock full of them. But the makers of a new nutrition drink are ignoring these familiar foods and using an unusual ingredient with supposedly similar medicinal properties: oil.

Oil giant ExxonMobil announced yesterday that it is partnering with up-and-coming bottled water company Fresh! to produce CARBONade, an oil-based nutrition drink. According to the label, oil contains a compound that mimics the antioxidants found in blueberries. But the companies say it is much more than a healthy beverage.

“When you take a sip of CARBONade, you’re trapping carbon in your body instead of emitting it into the atmosphere,” said Exxon spokesperson Michael McAddams. “CARBONade drinkers will help combat climate change."

In large part because of the burning of fossil fuels, the concentration of heat-trapping greenhouse gases in the atmosphere has increased since the Industrial Revolution. Scientists say that unabated carbon dioxide emissions will bring about the worst effects of global warming, including sea level rise, catastrophic weather, and ecosystem degradation.

“That’s why innovative solutions like our product are so important,” said Fresh! spokesperson Jenny Shu. “And don’t forget that this drink has dual benefits: Fuel your body, save the planet.”

Scientists discovered the health benefits of oil ingestion after extensive testing, said McAddams. The findings will be made publicly available at an undisclosed future date, he said, adding that the study was conducted at an independent lab at Exxon’s corporate headquarters in Irving, Texas, and was funded by Exxon.

When pressed for more information about the ingredients, McAddams declined to comment, but Shu did offer, “It’s not like any regulatory agency tests what’s in these bottles anyway.”

Yet some environmental groups question the companies’ motives. John Tzuzzi, of Greenpeace, accused the companies of greenwashing. “It’s no surprise, what with bottled water companies coming under fire lately for their irresponsible practices, and the oil industry’s fears that demand will decline as renewable energy and electric cars gain public support.”

Regardless, early taste tests indicate that the beverage is a hit with consumers. At CARBONade’s unveiling in Berkeley, California, graduate student Kayje Booker was among the throngs of students lined up for a free bottle.

“They say that oil and water don’t mix, but this drink is delicious!” said Booker, licking her shiny lips after taking a swig. “I used to think that ExxonMobil didn’t care about human health or the environment, but boy was I wrong.”  

CARBONade will hit supermarket shelves nationwide mid-April. Exxon and Fresh! are currently looking for “a Britney Spears-type—circa 1999, not now” to be the face of CARBONade, and considering a line of oil-based nutrition bars.

Happy April Fool’s Day!

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Comments

Hey there,

I'm the poster girl for this amazing new product launched yesterday in the UK. Sounds quite a lot like yours.

Here's some details from our press release:
"Burning coal to generate electricity produces Carbon Dioxide (CO2), a green house gas that contributes to climate change. However by capturing the CO2 before it is released into the atmosphere and piping it through natural spring water we at E.ON are able to create carbonated drinking water that is bottled and sold under the brand name EV-EON.

Although a simple solution, the implications are huge. With over a hundred years worth of coal deposits left and with massive growth in energy demand CCS will allow E.ON to continue to burn coal for decades to come. EV-EON's Chief Executive Taton Rebfluw says, "climate change had turned coal into a dirty word, but carbonated drinking water could be the silver bullet we have been looking for" a quick sip of EV-EON bottled water and he continues "the water tastes great and drinkers have the added bonus of helping combat climate change – the more water they drink, the more CO2 they store, and the more coal can be used to generate electricity, this really is symbiosis at its very best".

EV-EON is available now in restaurants and cafes. Please drink responsibly and refrain from burping or breathing the CO2 back into the atmosphere otherwise you may be responsible for causing climate change."

As you can see we really have found the solution to this global crisis.

So, not only do I have experience in working for a brand with similar environmental ideals, but I have an impressive resume in the modelling industry. In addition, I have a healthy relationship with a peroxide bottle if a job calls for it (henna based only of course).

Well, what more can I say...

Call me!!

Lisa

Forgot to mention, check the site:

www.ev-eon.com

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